The hardest thing to do when dealing with a difficult person is to maintain control of your own behavior. If you are dealing with a hostile person who is really mad at you, or you are frustrated beyond words with a co-worker, you need to focus on the underlying problem, and not go with your first emotional response. You can't get defensive, or worse, go on the attack. This is not easy and is probably the hardest part of dealing with a challenging person.
Some tips:
- Don't take anything personally -This is so hard, but you have to ignore insults. If you get emotional or defensive you will get into the cycle of confrontation, defense, and escalation.
- Let angry people vent - Be patient and non-defensive and let their emotion run its course.
- Listen without interrupting - Even if you don't agree with what they are saying - in fact, especially if you don't agree with what they are saying, listen and don't talk. You have to be more considerate than they are.
- Make eye contact - Don't be evasive, but don't be confrontational either.
- Use their name - Don't use their name in a condescending way, but use it a couple of times to establish rapport.
- Don't make excuses - Apologize for real or imagined offenses and take ownership of mistakes quickly. If you screwed up, admit it, and go on from there.
