Passive-aggressive (PA) people are some of the most frustrating people to deal with. They don't show up at meetings, they won't commit, or they commit and don't deliver, and they won't reveal what the problem really is. Or they 'forget' to communicate some important or useful information.
My father-in-law had a good passive-aggressive tactic. Whenever he was losing an argument, he'd say "Well, you may be right." Which meant: "You're wrong, but I'm done arguing about it."
How do you deal with these people?
Let's say that Susan in Accounting has to supply some information to be included in a client presentation that Sales is going to make. At the Monday status meeting, she doesn't have the data she promised.
You can start with our old friend:
(AGREE) "I'm sure you have a good reason for not having the data you promised." (But you don't care what the reason is.)
(EMPATHIZE) "I can understand that maybe other things kept you from getting the numbers we need."
(INQUIRE) "What do we need to do before you can deliver the data?"
- Ask open-ended questions - Don't ask questions that can be answered with a 'yes' or 'no'. "Susan: where is the data we need for the presentation?", not "Do you have the data?"
- Make your requests explicit - If you have to put your needs in writing, do so. Make sure there is no ambiguity about what you expect the PA to do.
- Engage them in setting deadlines - "Susan, when will you have the data that we need?"
- Define the consequences - "If we don't have your data by Wednesday, Susan, we won't be able to deliver the client presentation on Thursday" and "This presentation is important to the company and we want to present the best data we have". Make these statements in a factual, non-threatening way.
- Remain positive - "I'm sure we can work together to make this a great presentation".
Some PAs are hopeless, however, and you'll have to go to someone who has authority (like her boss) to figure out how to get what you need.
