I think it's dumb to tell people they can't fall in love at the office - who has control over that? But it's smart to make sure that both people understand the potential consequences. There's no need to list the upsides of being around someone you like or love everyday. But before you start that relationship, consider the downside. How will you handle a fight or a breakup? What if your lover dumps you and takes up with someone else in the office? How are you going to handle THAT in your face every day? And consider the very real possibility these days that you both might get laid off at the same time. Wouldn't it be better to hedge your economic future by having jobs at different companies? How would you - or your lover - feel about changing jobs to relieve the awkwardness and challenges of an office romance? Would you see it as a sign of your deep commitment to the relationship - or would you resent your new friend for interrupting your career?
A couple of do's and don'ts:
- DON'T try to hide it - You aren't as clever as you think you are and people are going to notice. And if some people know and others don't, you are creating an awkward situation for your friends. Come clean with the relationship, and if your company has a policy about employee dating, make sure you talk with HR and comply with their requests.
- DO keep it professional at the office - Don't call her 'snookums' in meetings, or leave lingerie on his desk or make out in the supply room. Consider how your actions are viewed by and will affect others (see below).
- DON'T ever, ever, ever date a supervisor or subordinate - OK, this is the only absolute when it comes to employee relationships. It's a big mistake. I know you'll tell me that there is a couple in your office who did it and it worked out, but 99 times out of 100 it is going to end in disaster. If you are the supervisor, you are sacrificing your career for this relationship. There is no way you can date a subordinate in which the relationship cannot eventually be construed as coercive. And believe me, if the relationship goes sour, you are going to be at the center of a harassment or hostile workplace lawsuit. Even if the relationship is great, every bit of praise, reward or promotion for your lover will be tainted by suspected favoritism. If you are the subordinate, your lover is showing a huge lack of judgement in dating you. What other personality flaws are waiting to emerge?
