Consider this scenario:
Fred :"I need to use Conference Room A at noon but you are signed up for it."
Freida: "Sorry, but we may need it for a project team meeting."
Fred: "Do you or don't you? Because I have to use it?"
Freida: "It depends on whether Jim returns from his client meeting in time."
Fred: "Look, I need a freaking conference room and yours is the only one available."
Freida: "Better keep looking."
Fred: ?????
So this is a classic situation in which someone barges into your cube demanding something. What could Fred say now to defuse the situation? {Remember: Agree-Empathize-Inquire}
Here's a suggestion:
Fred: "(AGREE) I know that you signed up for the conference room and (EMPATHIZE) you are aggravated that I'm asking for it. (INQUIRE) Is there some way we might both be satisfied? Do you need it for the whole hour? Can you call Jim and find out whether he will be back in time? Is your meeting small enough to be held in the lounge?"
Do you see how the point of the INQUIRE process is to engage the other party in jointly finding a solution, instead of continuing the confrontation?
In fact, Frieda could have taken control of the situation earlier:
Fred:"I need to use Conference Room A at noon but you are signed up for it."
Freida: "Fred, I know you have an important meeting and I can tell you're in a bind (AGREE and EMPATHIZE). I may need that conference room when Jim returns. How long do you need it for? How many people in your meeting? (INQUIRE)
By not getting emotional in the face of Fred's demand, Frieda doesn't allow the confrontation and escalation to take place.
Even better. Fred could have avoided the whole situation but not being such a jerk in the first place:
Fred: "Frieda, I forgot to sign up for a conference room and now I'm in a bind. Do you have any flexibility about using Conference Room A?"
Now try one on your own...
